Healthy marriage is a topic that currently is much talked and written about in the news, and on the web. On the web, several sites exist that are devoted to healthy marriage, namely: (1) the Healthy Marriage Initiative website that is maintained by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Administration for Children and Families; (2) the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center that is funded by the same agency.

Researchers at the University of Maryland have identified married persons in a healthy marriage as those who:

• Share a healthy philosophy of life with clear ideals
• Are growing in friendship and respect as well as love for each other
• Share many interests and activities together
• Enjoy each other’s company
• Are trusting and trustworthy;
• Are interpersonally honest yet tactful
• Are interdependent
• Are proud of each other’s achievements, and give realistic praise
• Are interested in and respect each other’s work
• Share in decision making
• Try to share and make monotonous work interesting, such as household chores
• Have realistic hopes linked to attainable goals
• Take responsibility for decisions and behavior
• Will, if education is needed to reach goals, patiently delay marriage to continue their schooling
• Have a mindset which sees problems as challenges to be solved
• Have usually been seriously interested in at least three other possible mates before making their final choice, and have affected “break-ups” in non-destructive ways
• Are able to live within their financial means
• Are aware of their weaknesses and show efforts at constructive change
• Use criticism wisely, but maintain a balance in which there is more praise than criticism
• Are “real” people, genuine and authentic
• Find that the growing relationship helps each person become more sure of him/herself
• Engage in healthy physical activities – get adequate nutrition, exercise and sleep
• Restrict their use of sarcasm, nagging, embarrassment and complaining
• Enjoy talking and listening to one another, even when discussing areas of conflict
• Experienced courtships that were not frantic or rushed (over 60% of the early divorces were due to hurried marriages- where the couples were very young, not well acquainted, and where the engagement period was very short)
• Are empathic and attempt to understand and meet their partner’s needs
• Did not elope (4 out of 5 couples who elope, ultimately divorce)
• Enjoy giving of themselves to others – they desire to give as well as to get
• Used their courtship time to thoroughly get acquainted, and grow in love
• Carefully consider the issues that face them, evaluating the pros and cons of alternatives. They try not to jump to hasty conclusions regarding important relationship issues
• Marry out of respect and affection, not out of pity or sympathy
• Enjoy each other’s families, in spite of their possible faults
• Talked through a number of sexual issues during their engagement period
• Enjoy a healthy, non-destructive and appropriate use of humor
• Are satisfied with the amount of affection demonstrated in their relationship
• Try to change personal habits that are irritating to their spouse
• Try not to dwell on past mistakes, but look ahead to ways of avoiding similar situations in the future
• Are able to forgive and receive forgiveness from one another